Byes, Injuries, and Felts Losing by Half a Point With 23 on the Bench

Cold Open

Week 6 was a famine. Detroit, Cincinnati, Miami and Minnesota all had byes, which pulled Jahmyr Gibbs, Ja'Marr Chase, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Justin Jefferson and Joe Burrow out of lineups across the league, and the injury report took care of the rest: Lamar Jackson, Jalen Hurts, Saquon Barkley, Breece Hall and Deebo Samuel all sat at zero on somebody's bench. The league averaged 109.9 points, its worst week of the season by eight points, and only two teams cleared 130. The one manager who didn't get the memo was Mike B., who ran a perfect lineup, left zero points on the bench, and put up 151.74, the only score over 150. Then there was Team IR, who lost by 0.46 with Kyle Pitts and his 23 points sitting on the bench. Fantasy remains undefeated at being cruel.

The Verdict

Week 5's ballot is in and Team IR took home Turd of the Week with 6 votes, clear of the field (Daejon Love got 3, Kuzu, Maybe Nix Year, and Team Fiddy got 1 apiece). Daejon Love, Team IR, Maybe Nix Year, and Team Fiddy all skipped the ballot entirely. The lineup crime verdict was a landslide: Kuzu found guilty, 6 votes, for leaving the kicker slot completely empty with Spencer Shrader sitting there with 21 points. Alen's decision to start Brock Purdy over a 39.5 point Drake Maye pulled 2 votes but never had a chance. Best Laugh went to Ethan's "Who's friend is this?" with 3 votes, with Travis and Felts tied for second at 2 each. The picks are graded too: Alen, Greg and Jeff all went a perfect 6 for 6, and Alen and Greg both got there by picking against themselves.

The Matchups

Maybe Nix Year 132.76, Team Fiddy 90.14. Rodney got 30.7 from Christian McCaffrey and 27.9 from Kenneth Walker, and this one was over by lunchtime. He also benched Bo Nix for Tyler Shough, who went for 26.96 while Nix managed 4.48 on Thursday night, which explains Rodney's live review in the chat: "Bo is trash." Keith's defense (23) and 19.84 from Bryce Young tried to keep pace, but with Chase Brown and Sam LaPorta on bye, MarShawn Lloyd's 1 point sunk the ship, and Fiddy left 27.3 points on the bench, including a 16.4 point Stefon Diggs. Officially the worst managed team of the week.

Kuzu 96.62, Skibidi Rizzler Deez Nuts 90.42. Jacob won with the lowest winning score in the league, getting 23.9 from Isaiah Likely while Tyler Warren, now listed out with a groin injury, posted a flat zero in his flex spot with RJ Harvey's 14.6 on the bench. Fresh off last week's kicker scandal, Kuzu is turning questionable lineup decisions into a brand. Greg got 19 from Carnell Tate and 17 from Chase McLaughlin, but Jeremiyah Love (out, ankle) put up a zero at running back while Rachaad White scored 15.7 on the bench. That swap alone would have won it.

We Did Not Care 109.58, Purdy good 107.66. Jeff survived this one by 1.92. Jaxon Smith-Njigba went for 25.4 and D'Andre Swift for 23, and Jeff let the chat know it: "I’m glad I beat one 49er fan this week 🤣🤣🤣 GG Alen! You almost had me lol." Alen's defense (21) and 19.1 from Chuba Hubbard nearly got it done, but he started Brock Purdy (17.36) with Drake Maye (23.8) on the bench, the same call that drew 2 Lineup Crime votes last week. Purdy over Maye has now cost Alen two games in a row. Some things never change.

Daejon Love 151.74, Laces Out 121.78. Mike B. ran a perfect lineup, zero points left unused, for the only 150 plus score of the week. Tre Tucker's 26.7 and Matthew Golden's 22.4 did the heavy lifting. Nick put up 121.78 behind 28.5 from Malik Nabers, without Lamar Jackson (out, ankle) or Amon-Ra St. Brown (bye), which wins most weeks in this league. Instead it earns the Unlucky trophy.

King Ethaniel 108.4, Team IR 107.94. Half a point. Trevor Lawrence put up 27.34 and Felts still lost, with Kyle Pitts frozen on the bench for 23 while Dallas Goedert started at tight end for 12.1. Felts was already missing Justin Jefferson to the bye and Jalen Hurts and David Montgomery to injuries, and he still had the points to win sitting right there. Ethan's Bhayshul Tuten (24.7) and Jayden Daniels (21) got him home by the thinnest margin possible while Cam Skattebo contributed exactly nothing.

Darth Kanaka 111.7, ShOGuN 90.26. Kawika moves to 6-0 with his lowest score of the season, Jahmyr Gibbs on bye, and Josh Allen (18.3) and George Kittle (17.9) carrying the load. He also sat DK Metcalf for 20.3 points while Garrett Wilson started at flex for 8.4. Travis got 24.3 from James Cook but posted his own season low, with Joe Burrow on bye, Deebo Samuel out, and a Jaguars defense that scored -1 while the Broncos defense put up 18 on his bench.

Awards

High Score: Daejon Love, 151.74. Low Score: Team Fiddy, 90.14. Blowout: Maybe Nix Year by 42.62. Close Win: King Ethaniel by 0.46. Lucky: Kuzu, winning with just 96.62. Unlucky: Laces Out, 121.78 and a loss anyway. Overachiever: Daejon Love, plus 31.57 over projection. Underachiever: We Did Not Care, minus 27.32. Best Manager: Daejon Love, 100 percent of optimal. Worst Manager: Team Fiddy, 76.8 percent.

Next Week

Darth Kanaka is 6-0 and still finding bench points to waste, Team IR is 0-6 and finding new ways to lose by less than a point, and somebody in this league needs to sit Alen down and explain who Drake Maye is. See you Sunday.