Jeff Takes First, Kawika Loses Again, and Travis Wins by 92

Two weeks ago Kawika was 6 and 0. Now he has lost two straight, and he is not in first anymore. Alen beat him 154.96 to 126.26, Jeff beat Keith 161.2 to 116.66, and Rodney held off Felts, so Jeff, Kawika and Rodney are all 6 and 2. Jeff has 1,207.54 points, 64.92 more than Kawika, so Jeff is in first. The first trade of the season did not save Kawika either. Bucky Irving put up 21 in his first week on Darth Kanaka, DK Metcalf and Rhamondre Stevenson gave Team Fiddy 13.4 between them, and both sides of the trade lost. Elsewhere, Travis beat Jacob by 92.14, the biggest blowout of the season, and Jacob's 53.54 and Nick's 59.3 are now the two lowest scores of the year.

The Verdict

Week 7's ballots are in, 7 of 12. Laces Out is Turd of the Week with 3 votes, one of them Nick's own, ahead of Kuzu and King Ethaniel at 2 apiece. Nick also lost the lineup crime vote, 5 to 2, for starting Lamar Jackson (0.0) over C.J. Stroud (16.5) on the bench, and he voted for that one too. The other 2 went to Ethan for starting Mark Andrews (5.3) over Colston Loveland (19.9). Best Laugh went to Jeff, 3 votes, one of them his own, for "I was hoping for that Kyle Shanahan 4th quarter choke special lol. We almost got it too 🤣" Rodney's "Bang Bang Injury Gang" had 2. On the picks, Mike B., Travis, Greg and Alen went 6 for 6. Kawika went 5 for 6, and the one he missed was his own game: he picked himself over Alen. Nick went 3 for 6. The majority picked the winner in all six games.

We Did Not Care 161.2, Team Fiddy 116.66. Jeff had the high score of the week and took over first place. D'Andre Swift put up 27.9, Michael Wilson 26.8 and Jaxon Smith-Njigba 23.8, and the only points Jeff left on his bench were Patrick Mahomes's 25.44 over Dak Prescott's 19.8. His Seahawks lost to the Bears 34 to 17 on Monday night, and JSN still gave him 23.8. When Kawika told the chat "Bears rock," Jeff answered "I wish they rocked next week instead." Keith's first week with DK Metcalf went badly. Metcalf put up 1.4 while Adonai Mitchell scored 27.2 on the bench, and Keith left a league high 31 points there. Rhamondre Stevenson added 12. Team Fiddy is 1 and 7.

Purdy good 154.96, Darth Kanaka 126.26. Last week's column billed this as the 49ers bowl, and the 49ers had a bye. Alen ran a 97.7% lineup, the best in the league, and beat his projection by 34.21: Chuba Hubbard 24.9, Harold Fannin Jr. 23.4, Drake Maye 22.46 and Jonah Coleman 20.4. Kawika got 26.56 from Josh Allen, 24.8 from Jahmyr Gibbs and 21 from Bucky Irving, and 126.26 was the highest losing score of the week. Drake London gave him 1.8 and Chig Okonkwo 3.2, and Emmett Johnson's 25.3 sat on the bench behind Jalen Coker's 9.6 in the flex. It would not have mattered. Kawika's best possible lineup was 151.86.

Maybe Nix Year 125.38, Team IR 107.2. Felts had this one won on his bench. Michael Penix Jr. put up negative 1.9 in the Falcons' 16 to 0 loss at Tampa Bay while Trevor Lawrence sat on the bench with 19.4. Start Lawrence and Team IR scores 128.5 and wins by 3.12. Tony Pollard's 28.7 and Braelon Allen's 23.3 did their part. Two weeks ago Felts lost by 0.46 with 23 on the bench. Rodney won with the lowest winning score of the week: Bo Nix put up 19.28 in the Broncos' 28 to 24 win over the Chiefs, and the Bills defense added 23 against Nick's Ravens. When Alen said "Chiefs need a TD" on Sunday, Rodney answered "No they don't." Squeezin the whole game, and he gets Kawika next.

JORDAN LOVE MVP SZN 145.62, Skibidi Rizzler Deez Nuts 125.08. Mike B.'s Packers beat the Panthers 27 to 19 on Thursday night, and Mike B. started five Packers: Jordan Love 21.52, Matthew Golden 20.9, Tucker Kraft 17.3, the Packers defense 21 and Trey Smack 2. That is 82.72 points from one team. Tee Higgins added 37.5. Greg had the winning lineup on his bench. Jake Ferguson gave him a zero at tight end while Mike Gesicki scored 17.6 on the bench, and Carnell Tate gave him a zero at receiver while Ladd McConkey had 12.6. Those two swaps make it 155.28 and a Greg win by 9.66. Instead Ja'Marr Chase's 31.1 and Josh Jacobs' 23.2 went for nothing.

ShOGuN 145.68, Kuzu 53.54. The biggest blowout of the season, 92.14 points. Joe Burrow put up 39.48, the best score on any roster this week, in Cincinnati's 43 to 36 win over Tennessee. Brock Bowers added 28.2, and the Jaguars defense put up 27 in a 42 to 7 win over the Colts. Travis did it with A.J. Brown and Omar Cooper Jr. both giving him zeros at receiver. Jacob's 53.54 is the lowest score of the season. He started nobody at tight end with Tyler Warren on the bench, three weeks after he started nobody at kicker. Emeka Egbuka gave him a zero for the second week in a row while Josh Downs scored 12.3 on the bench. And his Eagles lost by 17 again, 27 to 10 at Washington.

King Ethaniel 132.68, Laces Out 59.3. Ethan's birthday was Saturday, and he got a 73.38 point win and a Patriots win over Felts's Dolphins, 24 to 19, with the Patriots defense adding 16 for him. Bhayshul Tuten put up 29.9 and Puka Nacua 25, with Kirk Cousins's 28.18 on the bench behind Jayden Daniels's 14.98. Nick's Ravens lost 36 to 10 in Buffalo, and he started four of them: Lamar Jackson 0, Zay Flowers 0, the Ravens defense 1 and Derrick Henry 14. Sunday afternoon Nick told the chat, "Screw this season. Lamar was out for 4 games. Threw one ball. Thumb injury. Our for at least 4 weeks. We are cooked. My fantasy team is cooked. I'm done." Felts: "Live by the sword, die by the sword. Welcome to the couch brother. The playoff view is nice from here." Nick: "I'll be sitting with my Lamar injured thumb up my butt." Jeff: "I remember feeling how you feel now." Nick finished 53.56 under his projection, the worst in the league.

Awards

• High Score: We Did Not Care, 161.2
• Low Score: Kuzu, 53.54, the lowest of the season
• Blow Out: ShOGuN over Kuzu by 92.14, the biggest of the season
• Close Win: Maybe Nix Year over Team IR by 18.18
• Lucky: Maybe Nix Year, won with just 125.38
• Unlucky: Darth Kanaka, scored 126.26 and still lost
• Overachiever: Purdy good, plus 34.21 over projection
• Underachiever: Laces Out, minus 53.56 under projection
• Best Manager: Purdy good, 97.7% of optimal lineup
• Worst Manager: Kuzu, 69.5%, 23.5 left on the bench

Next Week

Kawika gets Rodney, two of the three 6 and 2 teams, and the defending champ. Jeff gets 1 and 7 Felts. Mike B. gets Keith, Travis gets Greg, Nick gets Alen, and Jacob gets Ethan. Alen jumped from 7th to 5th in the power rankings at 3 and 5, one spot ahead of 6 and 2 Rodney. Thursday night is Jaguars at Ravens.